Saturday, May 6, 2006

Bad programmer diseases

A while back I had blogged about Bad Application Architect diseases. Well it's only fair to reverse the equation and blog about Bad programmer diseases.

1. The Fr-Agilist: A very sensitive developer who cannot tolerate any criticism of Agile methodologies, TDD or anything such. I bet the 0.002% of the industry you represent are reading my blog post in a pair, and then will switch pairs and feel compelled to illuminate me and clear the world's misconceptions about everything that seems to criticize your style.

2. ManagementSuckitis: The patient frequently feels that he can do a better management job than whoever above him, but is never given a chance to do so. He likes to intimidate his fellow team members by being a self appointed policeman, probably thinks he can write this blog post better than I am writing anyway. Also has frequent delusions to move the entire shop from either .NET to java, or from java to .NET because the other platform is better.

3. TooGoodToListenitis: A sure symptom of this disease is typing on his wifi laptop in a meeting or presentation. Usually the patient appears busier and more preoccupied than Enron's CFO. Always looks impatient because the other more important thing is waiting for his absolutely necessary attention. At times it can get hard to detect this disease in early stages. Frequent checks of asking a random question ensures the early detection of this terrible ailment.

4. RealEstateStockMarketitis: Usually occurs in patients around the age of 25 with about 3-4 years of post college experience. The sudden rush of a few ten thousand dollars in the bank prompt them to set high aims and expectations and a definite fool proof plan for retirement before the age of 30. Of course they are working here only because its a favor on us, and we should be thankful to be friends with a future Warren Buffet. Usually found shouting stock symbols over the cubicle walls - a sure shot symptom is someone who never lost a dime in the stock market. This disease frequently occurs in groups and his highly communicable with possibly dire consequences.

5. AttentiionDemandits: Patient frequently butts into a meeting to interject a completely useless and zero value add comment or question. Walks out of the meeting in full fervor at a fast pace, runs to his computer, and goes into a hotmail,gmail,cnbc, zone before getting to .. what was the meeting about? damn I forgot - ok lets have a coffee. Patient's condition is further complicated when combined with RealEstateStockMarketitis.

6. Discussionitis: Repeated pangs of must ask a stupid question or clarification. Constantly butts into your work without knocking or an outlook appointment to ask completely stupid and downright dumb questions which if you asked him back, he would be able to answer in most cases anyway. This disease can be cured after a long and patient nurturing period, or good earplugs.

7. DemandDocumentItis: Also known is DidntGiveMeRequirementitis, this patient has the unique ability to turn the common sense switch of his head off. He will usually ask for a 250 page document for adding a small OK button to a dialog box. The document will have to be reviewed, and re-reviewed, and after multiple meetings and travails later he will put a "KO" button instead because the requirements were not clear enough


From :
Author : Sahil Malik

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